You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
