Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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