We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
