Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
