Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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