32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
