those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
