Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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