remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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