the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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