Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
