I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
