I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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