I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
