I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
