If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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