pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
