Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize