I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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