My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
