I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
