this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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