Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
