I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
