She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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