My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
