Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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