I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
