Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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