1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
