Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
