maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
