my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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