i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
