i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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