girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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