Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
