We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Barsexuality is the new black.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
