but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
