Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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