Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
