physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize