How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
