I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
