Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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