it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
