Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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