Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
