that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
