He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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