I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
