2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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