her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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