At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
