youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
