Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
