Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize