I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
