Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
