I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
