She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
