I'm passing your future prison.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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