Sry I called you an 8
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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