6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize