dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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