I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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