She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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