he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
