I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
