The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
