Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
