That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
