in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
ok first of all what the fuck
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