My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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